Well it’s been over a week now since I ran Seaton Soaker 50k. I’ve been putting this off, I kind of just want to move on from the race. It started off really well and I had a great first half of the race. And then it fell a part, and I let it happen, and it just got worse and worse and worse. My second lap took over 45 minutes longer than my first lap.
If that’s not a disastrous second half I don’t know what is.
The irony of this post is all my photos I’m super happy and exited. All the photos shown in this recap are from the first half of the race. There were no photographers out my second lap, I doubt I would have been able to even fake it for the camera by that point even if there were. So while I had a really awesome first half and everything was going great I was feeling optimistic and positive. I had a plan for the second lap that I could only walk the hills that I walked in the first half and I was going to stick to that.
I can’t even pin point what went wrong I left for my second lap in good spirits. I knew I had a 1km section of road ahead of me but was fine with that. The sun had come out which I wasn’t happy about but I was still thinking it’d be fine once I got onto the trail. But the trail wasn’t very shady for the first few kilometres and I started to worry I’d get a sun burn.
My legs were a bit tired but nothing hurt. I just wanted to be done. Onwards I went.
Got to the first aid station filled up my water, off again. Feeling even lower. Just focused on getting to the next one. The next one was about halfway through the out and I asked if they happened to have any sunscreen. One of the volunteers found some in his car and another helped me put it on the back of my shoulders (this aid station in general was amazing such amazing people all of them, there was also a Burly at this station). I also ate some fruit and finally felt ready to run again. Of course there’s a big hill soon after this. I came across a friend at this point he was coming down the hill on his way back, he asked how I was I said I was feeling better and he gave some encouraging words.
By the time the trail had levelled out again any of the positive vibes I’d gained at the aid station had fizzled away. I focused on just getting to the next aid station which was the turn around telling myself I’d feel better then because then it was really almost over.
I’m at the back of the pack so runners are really spread out so there wasn’t much activity at the turn around point. I was relieved to be there had some fruit and chips and headed back.
But things didn’t get any better and my mood dropped fast. I thought I’d feel better and I don’t so I’m starting to feel really upset and sad. I think I spent about half that trip back on the brink of tears. I wanted cookies and ice cream to drown my sorrows. Back at the mid-way aid station they had brownies, those would do. I ate a couple and some fruit then took off walking up the road hill (which I’d run most of on the first lap) eating brownies.
I know at this point there’s about 7.5k left hoping this would motivate me, it doesn’t. I continue on the run some walk some trot of sadness I’d been doing for most of the second half. I just wanted to be done and I have no reason for why. Something in me just gave up and didn’t want to do it anymore.
At the last aid station I can see the water crossing crew walking by all packed up with their gear. This just brings me more sadness as this is taking me so long even the crews are leaving. So I make the water crossing with no rope to hold on to upset and annoyed and feeling very very alone. I have less than 3k to go at this point but I’m still struggling with getting myself to run continuously. I’m at the point where I can accurately figure out how much longer this will be, telling myself times I can make if I just get running continuously. But it doesn’t help, I’m already too upset with myself for how much longer this took than it should of and how I had no excuse. I didn’t think there was any chance this would take over 7 hours yet here I was, well over that.
Eventually I cross the finish line and have 2 friends there waiting for me to cheer me in. I was just so relieved that its over. They don’t even know what I was feeling but both say exactly what I needed to hear to help some of the disappointment wash away.
It wasn’t all bad, like I said the first half was great, and it really was. I had a great time and had fun seeing all the other runners out, seeing friends along the course, meeting and chatting with a lady from instagram I’ve been following for years, I felt great and happy. I don’t know how it all fell a part so badly, nothing hurt, physically I was fine – or fine enough, but I just couldn’t get past my head. At least I didn’t give up, at least I finished.
It’s been over a week, I’ve started to move on from the disappointment and started to focus more on what I accomplished and on the positives of the race and my experience. The awesome free photos I got help!
I am relieve to say though that my next race is a 25k (Chase the Cayote in September), maybe I’ll seek a 50k redemption but for now I’m really happy to get back to a mid-distance race and focus more on getting some speed back and feeling really comfortable with 20-25k runs. I’m done with running over 30k for awhile!
Gear: Burly Singlet, Asics capris & hat, Wrightsocks, New Balance Minimus 10v4, Ultimate Direction Adventure Vesta
Fuel: Nuun Plus x2, 1 Honey Stinger Waffle & oranges, watermelon, chips, veggie straws, brownies from aid stations.